


i dare you

by spacec4det



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: F/F, Some angst perhaps, ill try to add leatin bc i love them, overall pretty fluffy, shelby is very whipped, shoni soulmates era, toni's aries stubbornness is set on high
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-12 01:08:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29126982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacec4det/pseuds/spacec4det
Summary: Toni Shalifoe is distraught when her coach threatens to kick her off of her team because of a failing math grade. Here comes Shelby Goodkind to save the day and help salvage Toni's math grade. Toni's stubbornness gets in the way of a lot of things but Shelby doesn't back down from a fight.or,The very cliche tutor trope where Shelby and Toni fall in love by bickering over a piece of math homework.
Relationships: Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 32
Kudos: 299





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO SHONI NATION!
> 
> I've never actually written anything before so hopefully, this doesn't turn out to be a hot mess. Overall this fic isn't going to be very angsty, there will be some (enough to make it enjoyable) but I figured that with the threat of season 2 being painful for Shoni, I would write something a little more light-hearted. All of the girls will be in here but Shoni is the main focus. Toni plays softball (very stereotypical I know) because I only know about softball/baseball and have never watched a basketball game in my life.
> 
> also, I'm still getting used to ao3 and ratings so right now it's just mature because I'm still debating whether or not I will be writing smut. So there's nothing explicit right now but I am leaving that open as a possibility for the moment.

Toni huffed as she flung herself onto the mattress that sat right next to Martha’s bed on the floor, her face burrowing into the gray pillow beneath her. She could feel anger and the slight presence of rage building up in her chest as she reflected on the events that unfolded at school before she came home. She was shocked, but also very proud, that she didn’t throw something at the wall when her coach told her she would be kicked off of the team if she didn’t get a tutor for math. It wasn’t that Toni wasn’t good at math, she just didn’t really care to even try to be good. Both Toni’s coach and Toni knew that if she tried just a little bit harder then maybe she wouldn’t have a D- in a class that would determine whether or not she would graduate. 

Toni’s silent rage session was immediately interrupted by the sound of the bedroom door swinging open and hitting the wall behind it. A quiet grunt coming from Toni as she shifted her body to face the doorway, bringing her hands up to wipe tears that welled up in the corner of her eyes.

“Hey, loser,” Dot’s tone was obviously joking but Toni didn’t have the time to deal with jokes right now, there were too many pressing matters. Dot watched as Toni narrowed her eyes, opening her mouth to say something but never going through with it. “Jeez, what’s your problem?” 

“My problem?” Toni sat up and crossed her arms, an angry pout on her lips as Dot situated herself on Martha’s bed. 

“Something is obviously wrong,” Dot muttered with a mouthful as she took a bite from the sandwich that was in her right hand.

“It’s nothing,” Toni waved Dot off, her body laying back down but this time she laid facing the ceiling instead of facing the pillow.

“What’s nothing?” Suddenly Martha was in the bedroom with them, holding as many snacks as the girl possibly could. Toni looked at Dot who softly chuckled at the confused look on Martha’s face. Toni didn’t say anything as Martha closed the door and set the snacks down, her entire demeanor changing as she sat down at the end of Toni’s mattress. 

“C’mon Toni, what’s goin’ on?” Martha sighed as she rested her hand on Toni’s knee, trying to coax out whatever was making Toni more irritable than usual. Toni couldn’t help but feel bad as she thought about all of the times this has happened, all of the times where she was angry and took it out on everyone around her. 

“My coach said I might get kicked off of the team,” Toni’s voice was soft and slightly wavering as her eyes darted between Dot and Martha, trying to gauge the reactions of both of them.

“Let’s beat her up,” Dot was serious in her threat which made Toni let out a small and breathless laugh, her eyes falling back on Martha who was still trying to figure out what to say to Toni.

“Why?” 

“Because, I am not doing good in math” Toni melted further into her bed, her cheeks turning red with embarrassment as she thought about how both of her friends were great at school. Toni knew she wasn’t dumb, she just didn’t feel like trying in something she thought she wasn’t ever going to use later in life. All she could do was sit there, waiting for her friends to say something about her impending doom. Toni always told her friends that without sports, she was nothing. 

“So, what are ya gonna do?” Dot’s voice was the first to break the almost awkward silence that fell between the three of them. Toni felt it was awkward because she was embarrassed, Martha felt it was awkward because she didn’t know how to help her best friend, and well, Dot thought it was awkward because the other two were being awkward. 

“I got a tutor,” Toni’s voice trailed off for a second as she thought back to the last five minutes of her conversation with her disgruntled coach. Yes, the thought of being kicked off of her softball team was almost unbearable but the idea of having to meet with a tutor, a person she goes to school with, almost felt worse. Especially, who she was assigned to. 

“That’s good, right?” Martha’s smile almost made Toni feel better but there was still that uncomfortable sensation that made itself at home in the pit of her stomach.

“Well, you see..” Toni paused, shutting her eyes for a second as her stomach churned, “my tutor is Shelby Goodkind.” 

Toni looked at Martha who’s smile faltered, her eyes darting away from Toni and looking at Dot. That same awkward silence fell between the trio until Dot burst out into a very loud laugh, her arm clutching her stomach as she tried to calm herself down. 

“Dot!” Martha tensed up, her eyes widening at Dot’s sudden outburst.

“Oh c’mon, this is kind of hilarious” Dot calmed down, an occasional chuckle every now and then as she thought about the news that Toni broke up with the two of them.

“It’s not fucking funny!” Toni’s voice strained as it rose in volume, her eyes shooting daggers at Dot who was still smiling as big as she possibly could. Toni felt that familiar sensation of rage and anger bubble up in her chest, her fists clenching at the thought of even having to visit Shelby Goodkind’s house. 

“She’s not that bad, T.” Martha tried to comfort Toni but it clearly wasn’t working as Toni’s fingernails dug into the skin of her palm. 

“Yeah, she’s just a bible nerd. Other than that, she’s pretty nice,” Dot chimed in on the “Shelby Goodkind propaganda parade” as Toni would put it. 

“Gay people and bible nerds don’t get along, Dot,” Toni’s voice was seething with anger, her teeth clenching as the realization that this was her life now setting in. Her entire life and happiness were riding on whether or not Shelby Goodkind was good at math, which Toni was sure she was because somehow Shelby Goodkind was good at everything. After having to go to school with Shelby since kindergarten, Toni knew way too much about Shelby for someone who hated her (but she would never admit to knowing a single thing about Shelby). 

“Hey, how about we get ready and go to that party? I know we said we didn’t want to but maybe it’ll be a distraction?” Martha sat up in excitement as she tried to convince her two friends to go to a party that neither of them wanted to go to. Toni and Dot shared an amused look before sighing in sync. 

“Marty, when have we ever gone to a party?” Toni’s chin rested on her knee as she brought them up to her chest, her arms wrapping around them both.

“It’s our last year of high school, c’mon.” Martha pleaded with the smaller girl in front of her, her brown eyes pooling into Toni’s as she gave her a very specific smile that she only gave Toni when she wanted her to do something. 

“Dot?”

“If you say yes, I’ll say yes.”

Begrudgingly, Toni was at a party with a bunch of people that she did not like. She weaved her way through the crowd of underage alcohol drinkers and looked around for her friends that she somehow lost. After Dot, Martha, and her jumped into Dot’s old and beat up Honda Civic, Dot and Martha went to find their other friend Leah. And somehow, Toni found herself alone and lost in a house she had never been in before.

Toni’s anxiety had subsided a little bit, especially as she was more focused on making sure Martha didn’t embarrass herself by drinking too much. Toni didn’t drink and she vowed that she never would, so parties felt like the closest thing to hell on Earth. 

“Speaking of the devil..” Toni whispered under her breath as she stopped in her tracks, her eyes locking onto the smiling blonde that was coming right at her. Shelby was taller than Toni, which made Toni even angrier. 

“Hey, I was trying to find you after school but I had no luck,” Shelby’s very southern accent made Toni’s skin crawl, it was the equivalent of nails on a chalkboard to her.

“Well, sorry to disappoint,” Toni flashed Shelby a sarcastic smile before going to turn on her heel

“Wait, I need your phone number,” Shelby’s hands rested on Toni’s shoulders, keeping her grounded in the spot she was currently in. Toni turned her head to look at the hand that was gripping her right shoulder, a look of annoyance appearing on her face as she turned back to look at Shelby. Toni stuck her hand out and Shelby took the hint and pulled her phone out of her pocket.

Toni tapped her number into Shelby’s contact list, giving herself as annoying of a contact name as she possibly could. Toni smiled as she handed Shelby back her phone, waiting for Shelby to acknowledge the name that was just typed into her phone. But to Toni’s disappointment, Shelby gave her a quick thank you and was on her way leaving Toni to stand in the corner of the cramped kitchen by herself once again. 

Toni felt a small buzz in her back pocket, she quickly dug for her phone hoping that it was Martha or Dot, telling her they could finally go back to Martha’s house.

**From: unknown number**

_u thought I’d be offended that ur contact name is ‘lesbian’? u could’ve at least come up with something funnier_

Toni shook her head as she thought about how she almost laughed at the stupid text she just received, she was now thankful that Dot wasn’t near her because she would never hear the end of it if she smiled at something Shelby Goodkind said. Toni took the time to change Shelby’s contact name before texting her back, even though she did think about just leaving Shelby’s number as an unknown number.

**To: shelby loserkind**

_ur not scared of lesbians anymore? sounds fake_

**From: shelby loserkind**

_hah hah very funny. toni shalifoe is a comedic genius_

_so can you meet me @ my house tomorrow after school? i’ll give u a ride_

Toni stared at the phone in her hand, her eyes looking up to scan the crowd of high schoolers in front of her. She looked for Martha, then Dot, then Leah, and even Shelby. Her eyes dropped back to her phone, reading the last text she received over and over again until finally responding.

**To: shelby loserkind**

_sure. but no promises that i don’t spontaneously combust as soon as i walk into your house and see a cross. isn’t that a thing? sinners catching on fire?_

**From: shelby loserkind**

_my house isn’t a church._

_my parents are out of town for a couple of days anyway so there will be less bible talk_

**To: shelby loserkind**

_omg? THE shelby goodkind inviting a lesbian over… when her parents aren’t home? THE HORROR!_

**From: shelby loserkind**

_ur so funny aren’t ya_

_anywho, i gotta go and hang out with my friends and not sit in a corner like someone is doing right now_

Toni’s head snapped up and immediately found the blonde who was now donning a mischievous smile. Shelby pushed herself off of the wall she was leaning on and gave Toni a wink before walking off into another direction. Another thing she would never admit to anyone around her but Toni’s body buzzed at the wink that was thrown her way. Toni incoherently muttered to herself before shoving her phone into her pocket, walking out of the kitchen she claimed as her own. 

Toni should’ve been thinking about how annoying it was that she was about to be stuck with Shelby Goodkind for the rest of the semester but instead, she was thinking about how nice Shelby’s lips looked as they curled into a smile. Once again, another thing she would never admit to anyone.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I just upload the first chapter a couple of hours ago? Yes. But the weekend is all of the free time I have and honestly writing this has been really fun and I already had most of the second chapter done anyways. I am not sure if anyone will even like this fic but I'm having a blast writing it. It's very fluffy in a sense right now but it won't always be like that but for now, enjoy an almost 5k word chapter about Shelby and Toni annoying each other but being very cute. If it's too long let me know and I'll make sure the chapters are shorter or vice versa. let me know any thoughts and what not. this is my first fic ever or well, my first written piece of anything like this ever.

Toni’s shoes drug across the cement under her, her eyes rolling at the crude comment from Dot about how in a couple of hours she will be “on her first date with Shelby Goodkind.” Toni wasn’t sure why she even mentioned that she was meeting with Shelby in the first place, as she could’ve easily lied considering Dot was a little bit hungover from the party the night before. 

“Tell me why we decided to go to a party on a Thursday night?” Martha groaned from behind Toni, using her hand as a shield to protect her eyes from the sun that was beaming down on them. In most places, September was a typical hot summer month but in Texas, it felt like hellfire was reigning down upon Earth. 

“That was actually your decision,” Dot shot Martha a teasing smile.

Toni smiled at her friends before sitting down on one of the benches outside of the main doors of their high school. Lunchtime was Toni’s favorite part of the day because Leah would always bring her Takis and an orange Gatorade, the two things she couldn’t live without. Like clockwork, Leah strolls up to them with a gas station plastic bag in her hand and a big smile on her face. Leah watched as Toni stuck her hands out like a little kid, waiting for the snacks to be placed on them. 

“You’re ridiculous,” Leah giggled as she dug through the plastic bag and grabbed Toni’s favorite, putting them in Toni’s hands and moving on to give snacks to her other friends.

“And you’re a godsend,” Toni’s words were jumbled as she spoke with a mouthful of Takis.

“Jesus, take these,” Dot muttered as she shoved a stack of tan napkins into Toni’s lap, watching as Toni’s fingertips turned red from the Takis she was currently shoveling into her mouth. Toni laughed with a full mouth and grabbed a napkin from her lap. 

Toni’s buzzing phone pulled her thoughts away from the beautiful chips in her hand and instead on the irritating sound of her phone buzzing against the metal bench. 

**From: shelby loserkind**

_do you like pizza?_

**To: shelby loserkind**

_what_

**From: shelby loserkind**

_what do u mean what? im asking if u like pizza???_

**To: shelby loserkind**

_no i know but what kind of question of that? of course i like pizza. what a weird question._

_who doesn’t like pizza? GOD? is pizza consumption a sin?_

**From: shelby loserkind**

_you’re super obnoxious did you know that?_

_what is ur favorite kind?_

**To: shelby loserkind**

_cheese_

**From: shelby loserkind**

_of course it is_

**To: shelby loserkind**

_excuse me? what’s urs then?_

**From: shelby loserkind**

_hawaiian_

**To: shelby loserkind**

_ur deranged what the fuck_

**From: shelby loserkind**

_says the girl eating takis and drinking orange gatorade_

**To: shelby loserkind**

_are you watching me? that’s kinda gay LOL_

**From: shelby loserkind**

_I know you’d like it if I were watching you but I’m not. I ran into your friend Leah in the parking lot._

_I have to go and eat lunch but what time do you want to leave? I know you have practice or whatever_

**To: shelby loserkind**

_ur not watching me but u know who my friends are? Interesting_

_come get me after 5. see ya later jesus freak!_

Toni was brought back to reality by a sudden disturbance in the sun that was shining on her, a shadow gleaming down onto her. Toni looked up to be faced with Dot standing above her, a sly smile on her lips. Toni awkwardly slammed her phone onto the bench next to her, which definitely looked suspicious to Dot and Toni knew that.

“Who are you texting?” Dot’s voice was playful and teasing and Toni couldn’t help but scowl at the girl in front of her as Dot’s (very) loud voice got the attention of both Leah and Martha. Toni reached out and gave Dot a small and playful shove, which in turn made Dot return the favor. 

“Girls,” Martha’s mom's voice made both Dot and Toni stop in their tracks, a deer in headlights look on both of their faces as they turned to face Martha.

“Sorry mom,” Dot shook her head and smiled, sitting in between Toni and Martha. 

Toni went back to shoveling her Takis into her mouth like they were from the last bag on Earth, her fingers once again coated in the same red dust. For a second, she thought about what Shelby was doing. She wondered where Shelby was eating lunch. Since the school let them eat lunch off-campus, most of the kids with a car and money that they could spend would eat lunch at the various fast food places that surrounded the school’s campus. She also wondered about who Shelby was with. Maybe she was eating lunch with her boyfriend Andrew, a boy Toni thought had the personality of a piece of printer paper. Or maybe, Shelby was eating lunch with Fatin Jadmani. Fatin was definitely Shelby’s strangest relationship, everyone in the school often muttered about how they were an odd pair of friends. But somehow, Fatin and Shelby were the closest pair of friends you could find besides Martha and Toni. 

Toni wondered if Shelby and her could become friends, which she wasn’t sure if that was something she even wanted. If Shelby could be friends with Fatin, why couldn’t she be friends with Toni? Toni suddenly frowned at the thought of Shelby thinking she was a sinner for embracing the fact that she’s gay. Suddenly that almost “butterflies in the stomach” feeling that accompanied the thought of potentially being friends with Shelby Goodkind were snuffed out by a feeling of hurt. Toni knew Shelby was very religious and had previously expressed a distaste for gay people, something she made very clear when Toni was dating her ex-girlfriend Regan. 

“Hey buddy, what’s goin’ on in there?” Dot leaned over to sit closer to Toni, her voice quieter than before so Martha and Leah couldn’t hear. Toni just shrugged with a quiet grunt, rolling up her bag of Takis and shoving them into her backpack. 

“Y’know, I thought we agreed that we would be more open so we don’t explode,” Dot’s voice looped in Toni’s head for a second, her mouth parting open to speak but no words ever coming together.

“It’s nothin’ Dottie, I promise,” Toni offered Dot a fake smile.

“Okay, if you say so.”

Toni zipped up her backpack and set it on her lap, her arms snaking around it as she rested her head on it. She couldn’t stop thinking about Shelby Goodkind and whether or not Shelby was going to kidnap her and send her to conversion therapy upon entering her household. She didn’t know why Shelby was suddenly getting under her skin, it wasn’t like she really even did anything. While Toni would try to convince everyone that she hated Shelby and Shelby made her angry, she wasn’t fully sure that was it. Shelby didn’t make Toni angry, she made Toni feel uncomfortable. Toni didn’t know how to deal with being uncomfortable because it was different than feeling angry, which she was used to. 

The last half of the school day went by a little too fast for Toni’s liking, for once in her life she was actually praying for the school clock to tick a little slower. Now, since school was over, she was praying that her softball practice would be long and grueling. After getting dressed and shoving all of her things into a broken locker in the girl's locker room, Toni was the first from her team to make it to the softball field. A field that was often unkempt and not nearly as nice as the baseball field was but even in its unruly appearance, this was Toni’s second home. 

Toni was ready to distract herself from all of the things in her life until she heard snickering behind her, two of her teammates pointing at something discreetly and laughing to themselves. 

“What?” Toni looked at them and they just laughed more before pointing to what they were laughing at. Toni turned to see what she considered to be one of her biggest nightmares. Sitting in the small bleachers that stood behind the visitor's dugout was Shelby Goodkind, with her high ponytail and all. Toni turned her focus to her teammates and then back to Shelby, who wasn’t paying attention to anything around her and was instead deep into whatever book was in her hands.

“Isn’t it kind of ironic that the most popular and most religious girl in school is watching the softball team have to practice?” Toni’s teammate couldn’t help but giggle at her own words and for a second Toni felt like defending Shelby, but she didn’t know why she would ever do that so she chose not to say anything. Instead, her feet shifted and she marched over to the girl in the bleachers.

“Hey Shalifoe,” Somehow, even though she wasn’t paying attention, Shelby looked up at the right time. Toni figured it was because Toni’s cleats were stomping loudly into the dirt underneath her. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” Toni spoke to Shelby through the chainlink fence that stood between them, a fence that was in place to make sure any fly balls wouldn’t go directly into the stands. 

“I’m reading a book,” Shelby played dumb before a big smile crept onto her lips. Shelby closed the book she was holding and placed it on her lap, her arms crossing as she looked at the huffing girl in front of her, “you know for bein’ as angry as you are, you’re not that intimidating.” 

Toni wasn’t someone who ever found herself speechless but here she was standing on a softball field having a staring contest with Shelby Goodkind. For a second, Toni thought she noticed Shelby’s eyes go from her own eyes to her lips and then back up.. 

“Can you just answer the question?” Toni’s voice was a monotone as it could ever possibly be, her arms crossed and her face turning a soft shade of red from both embarrassment and rage.

“I didn’t feel like drivin’ home and then comin’ back, so, I figured I’d watch you practice.”

“You want to watch me practice? Me? Toni Shalifoe? A member of the softball team?” Toni wasn’t sure if Shelby picked up on the double meaning of her question but if she did, she definitely ignored it.

“That’s what I said isn’t it?” Shelby leaned back and rested her elbows on the bench behind her, she looked around at the field and actually took in the condition of the field.. Toni just shook her head in bewilderment. 

“Okay well, I have to go practice.”

“Have fun, be safe, do whatever it is you do.” 

Toni just blinked at Shelby for a second before turning around and trying to ignore the eyes she could feel burning into her. Even if Toni could somehow forget that Shelby was currently watching her, her teammates were definitely mumbling about their audience member. Rachel Reid, Toni’s favorite teammate, and new friend smirked as Toni walked up to her. 

“So, Shelby Goodkind?” Rachel blurted out as soon as Toni was in earshot.

Toni just rolled her eyes and walked to their dugout, suddenly she was wishing practice would go faster.

Toni cursed herself as soon as she got into the locker room, practice was in fact long and grueling. After running what felt like a million laps, Toni kept getting yelled at by her coach because she was distracted. Toni was usually the perfect shortstop, she was small and fast and was able to stop any ball that was in her path. However, today she was the antithesis of that. Toni felt slower and almost every other ball that was hit in her direction zipped right past her or they bounced out of her glove. Every once in and while Toni’s gaze turned to the bleachers (exactly where Shelby was sitting). Each and every time, Shelby was looking right at her with a smile on her lips and her eyes tracking each and every one of Toni’s movements. 

After a quick shower and throwing on whatever clothes she brought with her, Toni looked into the closest mirror she could find and she took a deep breath. It was currently 5:03 pm and she was on her way to get into Shelby Goodkind’s car. She doesn’t even think she’s been in a confined space with Shelby ever in her life and they’ve been going to school together for their entire lives. The parking lot was empty except for a few cars here and there and unfortunately, Toni knew exactly what Shelby’s car looked like.

Toni walked to the farthest part of the parking lot, walking up to Shelby’s white Jeep Wrangler. Shelby was leaning against her car, her head buried into her phone.

“Hey,” Toni’s abrupt voice caused Shelby to jump a bit, her eyes widening for a second before she could realize who was in front of her.

“Warn a girl before you just walk up to her,” Shelby muddled before opening the driver's seat door, getting in without saying anything else to the shorter girl. 

As soon as Toni settled into the passenger seat, the smell of vanilla and orange infiltrated her nose, causing Toni to frown. Shelby noticed the slight discomfort in Toni’s face and laughed to herself for a second before turning the car on.

“You can play whatever song you want,” Shelby looked at Toni and handed her the aux cord that extended from the car’s dashboard, Toni nodded and gave Shelby a genuine smile. 

Toni didn’t hesitate to plug in her phone and pick the first song that came to her mind. The first chords of “I Dare You” by The Regrettes exited the speakers. Shelby tapped her fingers against the steering wheel of the car, her head bobbing slightly as her eyes stayed glued to the road.

“I kinda thought you’d listen to like rave music or somethin’,” Shelby’s heavy southern accent cut through the song, almost annoying Toni for a second.

“Rave music? You think I’d listen to The Chainsmokers?” Toni feigned offense, her hand slapping against her chest.

“The Chainsmokers aren’t rave music, I like one of their songs,” Shelby’s bottom lip jutted out, her hands gripping the steering wheel.. 

“You like The Chainsmokers?” 

“Yeah, is there somethin’ wrong with that?”

“Yes, actually,” Toni looked at Shelby with wide eyes, her mouth gaped open slightly. Shelby’s smile made Toni’s heart beat a little bit faster but she shoved that feeling to the back of her mind and locked it away. 

Toni turned to face the road in front of them, watching as Shelby turned down an unfamiliar road. While Toni didn’t have that many interactions with Shelby, she knew where she lived because Martha would go to her birthday parties. Martha was never successful in dragging Toni to those birthday parties but Martha never really gave Toni that much slack for it. Toni scrunched her nose in confusion as Shelby pulled into the parking lot of a shopping center closer to the downtown area of their city.

“Where are we going?” Toni looked at Shelby as she pulled into a parking space and put the car into park. 

“Pizza, duh. Want to wait in the car or would ya like to come with?” Shelby was now holding her keys and waiting for an answer from the girl in her passenger seat. Toni just shrugged and then threw open the door, a sign that she was coming with. The two girls stood the closest they ever have as Shelby guided them into a mom-and-pop pizza place named Joey’s Pizza. Toni loved pizza, it was one of her favorite things in the world but it was also a rarity as there weren’t that many cheap pizza places nearby. 

As soon as they walked through the doors, Shelby was giving everyone her typical Shelby Goodkind smile. She immediately walked to the checkout counter and dug for her wallet in her backpack that was hanging off of one of her shoulders.

“Oh Shells, it’s on the house. I still haven’t given you the rest of your babysitting money,” the voice of a man behind the counter caused Toni to look up. The man was quite old and had no hair on his head but he had a smile that Toni figured any nice grandpa would have.

“Joey, you’re too nice to me,” Shelby picked up the boxes of pizza that were placed lightly on the counter and shoved a couple of dollars into the tip jar before motioning for Toni to open the door for them. 

“You know a man named Joey who makes pizza?” Toni’s voice was softer than usual, still confused about why Shelby was even getting pizza in the first place.

“He caters a lot of our church events and I babysit his grandkids.”

Toni just nodded and got in the car, the drive to Shelby’s house was quiet. 

Toni was joking about there being crosses all over Shelby’s house but that was actually the reality. Everywhere she turned, there was a cross on the wall or even on rugs. Toni didn’t hate religion but she definitely had a distate for people who made religion their entire life and used it to be horrible to people under the guise of “helping them”. 

Toni’s phone vibrated in her back pocket as she set her backpack down on one of the stools that sat at Shelby’s kitchen island. 

**From: dottie the hottie**

_How’s your date going? Leah and I want all of the deets._

**To: dottie the hottie**

_not a date. And when did you start saying the word deets._

**From: dottie the hottie**

_Leah keeps inviting Fatin over to hang out with us so probably learned it from her. Enjoy your “not date”._

Toni rolled her eyes and shoved her phone back into her pocket.

“Since when did Fatin hang out with my friends?” Toni sat down in the chair that her backpack was previously occupying, looking up to look at Shelby who was getting plates out of her cabinets. 

“A couple weeks ago, I think.”

“Why are you friends with Fatin?”

“Excuse me, what did Fatin do to you?”

“Nothing, I actually like Fatin. But you guys are so different.”

Shelby just stood there for a second, her hands hovering over the opened box of pizza in front of her. Shelby thought about her response for a couple of minutes, a comfortable silence falling between the two of them. 

“I think Fatin balances me out.”

“What does that mean?” Toni’s chin rested on her hand, her elbow resting on the countertop in front of her. 

“I dunno, like, I’m me and Fatin is Fatin. We’re very different but I like that because it gives me a different perspective on life y’know. Like, you and I are very different too and I don’t think we’re friends but I’m sure you would give me a different perspective on life than Fatin would,” Shelby’s cheeks burned red for a second, and Toni was left wondering why Shelby would ever want to be her friend. 

“Do ya think we could ever be friends?” Shelby’s voice was soft and it was something Toni had never heard. It was different from the usual loud Texan accent that was always annoyingly nice. For the first time, Shelby felt like a person that Toni might be able to tolerate. 

“Maybe,” Toni grumbled and shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

Toni was half expecting Shelby to be upset that she didn’t give her a full-on yes or no answer but Shelby just gave her the Shelby smile and started putting pizza onto the two plates in front of her.

“Maybe is better than nothin’.” 

The two of them ate their pizza in silence, Toni didn’t want to tell Shelby but this was the best pizza she had ever eaten. It was definitely better than the cardboard with sauce on it that they tried to pass off as pizza at their school. Shelby was the first to finish eating and she took the opportunity to quickly grab Toni’s backpack before Toni could stop her.

“Hey!” Toni yelled with pizza in her mouth, her lips smacking together as she tried to chew faster.

“It’s not very ladylike to chew with your mouth open, didn’t your momma ever teach you manners?” Toni shuddered at the mention of her mom, reminding herself that Shelby didn’t know anything about her and there was no reason to get mad. 

“Didn’t your mom ever teach you to not steal people’s belongings?” Toni mocked Shelby’s accent, a smile curling up on her lips. Shelby shook her head in disgust as Toni used the sleeve of her sweatshirt to wipe the grease of her pizza off of her face.

“You’re like my little brother,” Shelby rolled her eyes as she started to unzip Toni’s backpack, eyeing Toni to make sure she doesn’t jump off of the kitchen stool and attack her. Toni stayed where she was, continuing to eat the cheese pizza that Shelby got her. To Shelby, this was the calmest she had ever seen the brunette before. 

Shelby’s face of disgust returned upon opening Toni’s backpack, which was full of crumpled up papers and Takis crumbs. Shelby rummaged around before finding what she figured to be Toni’s math homework, which they were supposed to be starting on but now Shelby had the idea of cleaning out the disastrous backpack. Toni just watched, with pizza in one hand and her leftover Gatorade in the other.

“What’re you doing?” Toni spoke once again with a mouthful of pizza but Shelby was too distracted by the state of Toni’s backpack to make a comment about that. 

“Cleanin’ your backpack.”

“That’s kinda weird,” Toni took a sip of her Gatorade before looking around the room again, “y’know, it’s like playing where’s Waldo except instead of trying to find Waldo, I’m looking for a hidden cross or maybe even a picture of Jesus.”

Shelby told Toni that she threw her backpack into the washing machine and that she dug out an extra binder that she found in her dad’s office so that Toni could organize her school papers. Toni just nodded and thought about how she would definitely not use the binder ever again and the next time she comes over for tutoring, her backpack will be a mess again.

“Okay, we should probably actually start doing math,” Shelby shuffled papers around until finding a sheet of math homework that had Toni’s name scribbled onto it. But before Shelby could even try to get Toni to sit still for more than two seconds, she was drumming on her legs with her hands.

“Would you quit that,” Shelby didn’t mean to but her hand landed right on top of Toni’s, their fingers brushing against each others. Toni gave her a cocky smirk before Shelby ripped her hand away, rolling her eyes. Shelby grabbed a pencil and for ten minutes they were stuck on the first question because Toni kept asking random questions about anything BUT math. The questions ranged from, “do your parents hate all of you? Why would they buy red rugs when you have green walls?” to “do you think God had to do math?” Shelby started to feel more irritated as time went on, her hand gripping the wooden pencil as hard as she could until it snapped. 

“Woah there, are you about to go all Hulk-like on me?” Toni’s teasing voice was more fuel to the already burning fire and Shelby couldn’t help but just look at Toni with an annoyed face.

“You know it’s Friday? I could literally be doing anything else than this,” Shelby crossed her arms and leaned back into her chair.

“Then why aren’t you?”

“I made a promise to your coach that I would help you.”

“Sure but you didn’t have to start today?”

“Well, maybe I wanted to.”

“Okay then, jeez.”

The two stopped talking for a couple of seconds until Shelby pushed herself off of the stool and walked out of the kitchen. She only returned to look at Toni with an annoyed expression and her hands on her hips.

“Hello, are you coming?” Shelby walked back out of Toni’s line of sight, causing her to groan as she had to get out of the chair.

Toni followed Shelby up some stairs and into Shelby’s bedroom, which had fewer crosses than Toni was expecting. Actually, there wasn’t a cross to be seen. Toni looked around and a quick flash of gold caught her attention as she looked up to see a bunch of trophies standing on top of Shelby’s bookshelf.

“They give you trophies for being pretty?” Toni blurted out before she could realize that she basically called Shelby pretty.

“You think I’m pretty? How sweet. You’re not my type though,” Toni frowned at Shelby’s sudden ability to poke fun at her.

“What is your type then? Boring white boys?” Toni sat down on Shelby’s desk chair, fighting the urge to spin in circles. Shelby didn’t respond to Toni’s question and instead sat on her bed and went on her phone.

“Aren’t you supposed to be teaching me math? Because if not, I can just go home then.”

“You didn’t seem like you were really learnin’ anything.”

“Math sucks.”

Toni’s pouting face and whiny voice caused Shelby to laugh, putting down her phone and getting back up. 

“Let’s go watch a movie downstairs then,” Toni just nodded and followed the blonde downstairs and into her living room. Toni looked at the furniture that sat in front of the very large television, looking for the one that sat the farthest from Shelby but also was the most comfortable. Toni didn’t object to any of Shelby’s movie decisions and instead let her pick whatever she decided. Somehow, this meant Shelby picked the first movie of the High School Musical series.

“This is worse than math,” Toni’s body sunk into the brown recliner underneath her.

“Oh hush, there’s nothin’ worse than math.”

“Shelby.”

“Toni.”

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

“Is it so surprising that someone could be nice to you?”

“No, but you’re not just someone. I’ve known you forever and you and I don’t hang out.”

“Well, maybe we should.”

Toni just opened and then closed her mouth, turning her full attention to the singing basketball players on the screen. Maybe we should played over and over in her head. 

It was nearly midnight when Shelby dropped Toni off at Martha’s house. After watching High School Musical, Shelby roped Toni into watching the second one while they worked on Toni’s math homework. Shelby taught Toni some random math equations that Toni was sure she would forget in the next couple of days and then as they waited for Toni’s backpack to dry from its adventure in the washing machine, the two girls watched a bunch of math youtube videos which almost made Toni fall asleep. 

After changing into pajamas and creeping into Martha’s room, Toni melted into her mattress. She was exhausted from the entire day and all she wanted to do was sleep, but she couldn’t. All she could think about were all of the times Shelby would look at her and then quickly look away or when Toni was on the softball field earlier and Shelby kept looking up and down at Toni’s body.

**From: shelby loserkind**

_got home safe if u wanted to know_

**To: shelby loserkind**

_i didn’t but im glad u did_

**From: shelby loserkind**

_you’re something else_

_i wasn’t kidding when i said we could be friends by the way_

**To: shelby loserkind**

_you think my “way of life” is a sin_

_i saw how you looked at regan and i last year_

_its why we have never gotten along and one day of us maybe getting along isnt gonna erase ur homophobia away_

**From: shelby loserkind**

_i don’t hate your “way of life” and i don’t care that you’re gay toni, i’ve never hated you or anything. you know that._

_and i didn’t look at you and regan in the way that you’re thinking_

**To: shelby loserkind**

_then how did you look at us? because everytime you walked by and we were holding hands you looked like you saw satan in the school hallway_

**From: shelby loserkind**

_goodnight toni shalifoe, i’ll see you on monday :)_

Toni threw her phone onto the floor at Shelby’s sudden dismissal of her question. Toni wanted to know what Shelby meant by “and I didn’t look at you and Regan in the way that you’re thinking”. But, Toni also didn’t want to know because maybe it would make her hate Shelby less. Hating Shelby was the biggest constant in her life and it was easier than admitting to herself that maybe Shelby Goodkind isn’t that bad after all.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the calm before the storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i said i would update this like four days ago but life got in the way of that. school has been a nightmare and has killed all desire to write anything BUT i found the time for this chapter and i know have a solid plan for the rest. so if u like this dumpster fire, it will be updated frequently i promise (OR IM AT LEAST TRYING). this is more of a filler cute chapter before i unleash hell fire with the next couple of chapters (sorry in advance). i think i said somewhere that it wasn't going to be angsty but.. i lied. so enjoy cuteness while u can for the time being.
> 
> ALSO im ngl but out of all of the chapters i have written so far, this one is might be the worst but DO NOT FRET!! the next chapter i have big plans and this is basically just a reminder that im still here. 
> 
> hope ur all doing good!

It had been two weeks since Toni found herself sitting at Shelby’s kitchen counter with a pencil between her fingers and an annoyed expression on her face, a whole two weeks since Shelby forced herself into Toni’s life. However, after a week of Shelby basically yelling at Toni to meet her in the library so they could study, Shelby was radio silent. They didn’t text, except for the occasional “meet me in the library at 3:30” or “can we meet at a park?”, and Toni was left confused. 

One of the handful of times they have met since their first meeting, Toni stormed out of the library before quietly scolding Shelby. Toni noticed the way Shelby would tense up every time someone walked into the library, pushing herself farther from Toni each time. At one point, Toni thought Shelby was at least ten feet away from her, her voice basically whisper-yelling because she was so far away. 

“Y’know being gay isn’t like contagious or anything, right?” Toni shut her textbook, watching as Shelby jumped in her seat slightly, her fingers anxiously playing with the hem of her sleeve. 

“What are you even talkin’ about?” Shelby’s eyes narrowed, her jaw clenching for a second before relaxing.

“You know what I mean Shelby,” Toni trailed off, leaning back in her seat, “every time someone comes in here you get all weird.”

“I do not get weird.”

“Yes, you do!” Toni threw her hands up in the air for a second, a shushing sound coming from one of the librarians near the two girls. Toni flashed the older woman a slight frown, mouthing “I’m sorry.”

“You’re the one actin’ all weird like,” Shelby huffed before sitting up straight, her arms crossing.

“I’m not the one scooting away every time someone comes in here,” Toni muttered, “like you think they are going to assume we are making out or something.”

“I am not doing that!” Shelby‘s voice got louder until once again they were shushed by the librarian, this time given a bigger warning. 

“Okay, whatever, Shelby,” Toni grabbed her textbook and the math homework that was unfinished, shoving it into her backpack.

“Toni, where are you going?” Shelby sighed, her hand reaching out to grab Toni’s wrist.

“Don’t fucking touch me,” Toni snapped at Shelby, “you can sit here and pretend to like me but you actually fucking hate me, so just man up dude!” 

Before the librarian could come over and ask them to leave, Toni was already out the door leaving Shelby to sit in uncomfortable silence.

It had been a couple of days since that unfortunate interaction in the library and Toni didn’t receive another text from Shelby until exactly two weeks from their first tutoring session, which also happened to be Toni’s last Friday practice before the start of the fall softball season. 

**From: shelby loserkind**

_im sorry for what happened in the library_

_can i make it up to you?_

**To: shelby loserkind**

_being homophobic isn’t something u can just make up for_

**From: shelby loserkind**

_i’m not homophobic toni, i was just going through shit and i took it out on you_

_not that that’s like okay or anything, which is why i want to make it up to you_

_martha told me you like that arcade pizza place downtown, so im gonna take you there tonight after your practice_

**To: shelby loserkind**

_i do like that place …_

_you’ve been hanging out with marty a lot lately?_

**From: shelby loserkind**

_we have been hanging out a lot lately, yes. She’s great._

_i’ve gotta go but remember, today after practice, okay???_

**To: shelby loserkind**

_fine_

Toni stared at her phone, reading the same texts over and over again before sighing and shoving the phone into her back pocket. Part of her wanted to just yell at Shelby to her face, tell her that she was making Toni feel stupid but the other part of her convinced herself that if Martha trusted her, then maybe she should too. 

Toni channeled all of her rage and anger into practice, her legs running at a furious pace when they were asked to do laps. At one point, Toni felt like her legs may give in right under her, her chest heaving and gasping for air as she pulled off to the side for a breather. After finally composing herself, she made her way into the dugout and sat on the bench next to Rachel. 

“Jesus, Shalifoe,” Rachel looked to Toni, “you’re going to hurt yourself if you keep doing that.”

“I just got lost in the moment, I guess,” Toni smiled at Rachel shyly, her legs already sore from running so hard.

“Are you going to that party tomorrow?” Rachel muttered as she grabbed her softball bag, putting it at her feet as she grabbed her helmet and her bat. 

“There’s a party tomorrow?” 

“Yeah, pretty sure Fatin is throwing it,” Rachel said before taking a sip from the water bottle that rested at her feet, “you should come, it’ll be fun.”

“I don’t know Rach,” Toni sighed, “I have math to catch up on.”

“Oh c’mon Shalifoe,” Rachel smiled, “We could both use some fun.”

“I didn’t think you liked parties.”

“I don’t but I hear Fatin’s parties are ones that are actually entertaining,” Rachel chuckled before putting the helmet from her bag onto her head, “if you go, text me?”

Toni nodded and Rachel walked away and started her batting practice, leaving Toni to sit by herself for a second, thinking about the weekend ahead of her. Toni thought back to the last party she had been to, it was when Shelby had asked for her number and now, Shelby would text her almost frequently. She wondered if Shelby was going to Fatin’s party on Saturday, and she wondered if she was bringing her boyfriend, Andrew along with her.

Shelby was very serious about being on time so when Toni found her sitting in her white jeep exactly at the time Toni’s practice ended, she couldn’t help but laugh to herself. Toni knocked on the driver's window of Shelby’s car, peering in to see Shelby tapping her feet to whatever song she was listening to.

“Hey,” Shelby said as the window started to roll down, Toni noticed her hair was pulled neatly into a ponytail.

“Would you like me to get in the car, or..?” Toni bit down on her lip, Shelby laughing in response and waving at her to get in the car.

Shelby’s car still had the same vanilla and orange scent as Toni climbed into the passenger seat, her hands drumming on her knees anxiously as she waited for Shelby to say anything.

Shelby looked at Toni for a second, before looking away, “so, how was your day?”

“My day? It was fine, how was yours?” Toni cringed at the sudden small talk, she could tell that Shelby also hated the small talk.

“It was good,” Shelby breathed out as she started the car, pulling out of the parking lot and driving to the place she promised she would take Toni.

They didn’t speak the whole way to the arcade/pizza place and Shelby didn’t even turn on the radio, which resulted in awkward silence like Toni had never felt before. She was worried that Shelby could read her mind because of how quiet the car was.

Toni practically threw herself out of the car as soon as Shelby pulled into a parking spot and put the car in park, Shelby seemed to follow suit as the two girls basically sped walk inside of the building. Shelby told Toni to sit while she ordered them pizza at the counter, so Toni did just that. Toni made sure to find her favorite booth, one that sat in the corner and had a good view of the downtown plaza they were in.

As soon as Shelby sat down, the same awkward silence that manifested itself in the car fell between them. Toni was the first to break it.

“Why are we here?” Toni rested her chin on her hand.

“I told you why I asked you to come with me,” Shelby brought her nails up to her mouth, biting on them subconsciously.

“No, you said you wanted to make it up to me for being an asshole,” Toni leaned back in the booth, shoving her hands in the beige jacket that she always wore.

“I’m sorry, Toni,” Shelby looked down at the table, “I wasn’t trying to be like mean or anything.”

“But you were.”

“I know and I’m sorry,” Shelby finally looked Toni in the eyes, tears welling up in the corner of her own eyes, “I was just going through somethin’.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Toni pulled her hands out of her pockets and started drumming on her knees, something she does whenever she’s anxious.

“Not really,” Shelby gave Toni a half-hearted smile before turning to look at where she had just ordered the pizza, almost like she was praying for it to be done cooking at that exact moment.

“Do you only eat pizza?” Toni blurted out and suddenly Shelby was smiling.

“No, I eat lots of things,” Shelby scoffed playfully.

“Both times we have eaten something together, it’s been pizza,” Toni smiled, her hand gesturing to the sign that said pizza.

“Yeah because Martha said you love pizza.”

“True, I do love pizza,” Toni trailed off before looking around, for a second Toni and Shelby’s feet brushed past each other under the table. 

“Do you wanna play some arcade games?” Shelby asked, already pushing herself out of the booth. Toni nodded enthusiastically, almost like a little kid. 

The pair walked to the other side of the room to where the old arcade machines sat, Shelby, buying them enough tokens to last a lifetime. Toni convinced Shelby to play an old star wars pinball machine, the two of them laughing each time Shelby let the ball fall into the exact spot it wasn’t supposed to. The two bounced from machine to machine before their pizza was finally done, returning back to the same booth but this time with a pizza.

“Are you going to Fatin’s party tomorrow?” Toni mumbled as she bit down on her piece of pizza, her eyes looking up to meet Shelby’s. 

“I am,” Shelby laughed as she watched Toni drop cheese straight onto her lap, “I didn’t know you were invited.”

“Oh, am I not cool enough or something?” Toni raised her eyebrow, putting her pizza down for a second.

“You said it, not me,” Shelby giggled as Toni gave her a slight kick under the table, “I just didn’t think Fatin invited that many people.”

“Well, I was invited so deal with it, Texas.”

“You live in Texas too, y’know,” Shelby said. Toni just nodded with a slight chuckle.

“You got me there but I wasn’t born in Texas.”

“Where were you born?” 

“Minnesota, boring, I know,” Toni mutters as she continues to eat the pizza in front of her. Thinking about Minnesota made Toni sad for reasons she never really understood, as she was glad to be away from all of the foster families she left behind and she could still contact her biological mom if she really wanted to. Toni could feel her mind slipping back into a place she didn’t like so she shook her head and shoved those memories back into where she often pushed them.

Shelby looked at Toni for a second, noticing the frown that formed on the girl's lips, “it’s not that boring, you could’ve been born in Arkansas or somethin’.” 

Toni laughed at Shelby’s stupid joke, noticing the big smile that formed on Shelby’s lips as soon as Toni laughed.

They spent two hours at the arcade pizza place, talking about random things like school or softball, which Toni had to explain to Shelby because Shelby knew nothing about it. After Toni was done talking about softball, Shelby talked about her pageants and her adventures in cheerleading, a world that Toni never had any insight into. For two people who never seemed to like each other, they talked like they had been friends for years. 

Shelby had a curfew for Friday because she somehow convinced her parents to let her stay at Fatin’s on Saturday, Toni still wasn’t sure how Shelby was able to convince her parents to even let her hang out with Fatin. She heard stories about the Goodkinds and how strict they were and it was very confusing that they were letting their daughter hang out with someone who had a reputation for throwing parties. Shelby dropped Toni off at Martha’s house, Toni thought she saw Shelby try to hug her goodbye but it never happened. So she convinced herself that she was hallucinating. 

Toni felt her phone buzz as soon as she walked inside the door.

**From: shelby loserkind**

_i hope you come to the party tomorrow_

_i really like spending time with you_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a hint at the next chapter. i have been listening to phoebe bridgers and mitski while writing. also yellow by coldplay for some reason.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's a party at Fatin's house u hear!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TWO UPDATES IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS??? who am i?? 
> 
> also, i want to thank everyone who takes time out of their day to read this mess and to comment and everything. you all make my heart so happy :) 
> 
> this chapter is short and sweet, well not really.

**From: shelby loserkind**

_excited to see you tonight_

Toni stared at the open text for what felt like forever, her eyes reading the same message over and over again. Toni hated unpredictability, and unfortunately, Shelby was the definition of unpredictable. That’s what Toni loved about Regan, she loved that Regan was a solid constant in her life and gave Toni a foundation to work off of.

Martha was also going to Fatin’s party tonight, she was very excited to talk to some boy that she had been crushing on for the last year. Toni also found out that the rest of her friends would be going as well, after receiving a text from Dot as soon as Toni woke up for the day.

**From: dottie the hottie**

_so are you confessing your love for shelby tonight?_

It was too early in the morning to respond to Dot’s text, which was clearly sent to rile Toni up, so she didn’t respond and instead got out of bed. They didn’t have to go to Fatin’s house until later in the day, so Toni figured that going on a run would be a good start to the day and would take her mind off of some of the things that played on a loop in her brain. 

“Hey Marty, I’m gonna go on a run!” Toni yelled out before slipping out of the door, taking a small walk down to the local track, a place she goes to whenever she needs to burn off some energy. At first, the run was exactly what Toni needed, it was the perfect remedy for forgetting about all of her problems. Toni’s feet fell hard against the red pavement as her chest heaved up and down, starting to feel slightly winded by the rigorous pace she was forcing herself to follow. 

Toni felt good, until she saw a familiar blonde ponytail walk onto the track, accompanied by two older adults and two children. Toni assumed that they were the rest of the infamous Goodkind family and from the looks of it, they looked exactly how people described them. Toni pulled off to the side of the track, her breath ragged as her body tried to recover from the urgent pace she had been running at. Toni contemplated the idea of just running, ignoring the family and ignoring the looks that Shelby was currently shooting at her. But, that idea was fully thrown out the window as Shelby turned to her family, said something, and then jogged over to where Toni was standing. 

“What are you doing here?” Shelby’s voice was cold and it caught Toni by surprise. 

Toni’s eyes looked hurt, her mouth parting before speaking, “are you being serious right now?”

“I asked you a question,” Shelby crossed her arms, her temper starting to rise. 

“I live near here and I go for runs almost every day at this exact place,” Toni bit out, “you’re the one who shouldn’t be here.”

Shelby turned around to look at her family, making sure they weren’t paying attention to the two girls who were seconds away from getting into an argument. 

“Can you please leave?” Shelby looked Toni up and down, “I’m not trying to be rude or anything.”

“You’re being more than just rude, Shelby,” Toni felt her jaw clench at Shelby’s sudden hostility, “you literally texted me this morning about how you were excited to see me.”

“That hasn’t changed,” Shelby muttered, her eyes finding anything to look at that wasn’t Toni, “I just really need you to leave, okay?”

“You’re ridiculous,” Toni spit out before turning and walking away, her jaw clenching and her fists balled up. 

She didn’t know why she suddenly decided to listen to Shelby’s wishes but on the walk back to Marth’s house, all she could think about was the way Shebly looked at her, the way Shelby made her feel like she was nothing. As soon as Toni opened the door to Martha’s house, she went straight back into bed, ignoring the pleas of concern from Martha. 

Toni had planned on just wearing whatever she found in her closet, but after Martha told her to go all out so she found herself wearing a white loosely fitting button-up, a black leather jacket, and black ripped jeans. Toni looked into the mirror she was standing in front of, turning around to face Martha with a huff. 

“I look like a lesbian,” Toni sighed with a slight chuckle, her hands digging into her jacket pockets.

“If the shoe fits,” Martha giggled before sitting up and patting Toni on the shoulders, “tonight will be good, yeah?” 

Martha and Toni waited outside for Dot and Leah to pick them up, and as soon as the two girls got into Dot’s car, they all started screaming the lyrics to P!nk’s, “raise your glass.” Toni loved her friends, they were the only people who really understood her and whenever she was near them, she felt like she was on top of the world. And on the drive over to Fatin’s house, Toni didn’t think about the interaction she had with Shelby earlier in the day, all she could think about was her love for the other girls in the car with her. 

Fatin’s house was big, much bigger than the house that Toni and Martha lived in. And, it was even bigger than the Goodkind’s house. Toni noticed all of the cars that were lined down the street, the soft sound of music pooled out of Fatin’s house. Toni wasn’t a fan of parties because she wasn’t a fan of alcohol or the way people acted after consuming alcohol, all it did was remind her of her mom. 

“Okay, so what’s the game plan?” Dot looked at her three friends who stood awkwardly against her car, the three of them just shrugging. 

“I’m the designated driver, so I think when I want to leave, we leave,” Dot looked at them and they agreed unanimously. 

Toni followed Dot through Fatin’s house, the two of them looking for a quieter place to hang out as Martha and Leah looked for the people they were going to the party for. They came across an empty lounge chair that sat in Fatin’s backyard, the only other people in the backyard were the people who surrounded the beer pong table.

“So, where’s your girlfriend?” Dot nudged Toni’s shoulder, a sly smile resting lazily on her lips.

“I have a girlfriend? That’s news to me,” Toni pulled her legs up to her chest, wrapping her arms under her knees.

“You know who I’m talking about,” Dot took a sip of the diet coke she grabbed from one of the tables in Fatin’s kitchen. 

Toni hesitated for a second, “she’s not my girlfriend, she’s not even my friend.” 

Dot nodded, her lips pressing together as she looked at Toni with empathetic eyes. If there was anyone in the world who could understand what Toni was thinking without Toni saying anything, it was Dot. Dot was Toni’s first best friend besides Martha and she was one of the only people who could put up with Toni’s eruptive behavior. Toni and Dot sat there in silence for a couple of minutes before Toni’s head whipped up at the sound of Shelby Goodkind’s laugh cutting through their comfortable silence.

“Go talk to her, loser,” Dot whispered before getting up and pulling Toni with her. 

Toni just nodded at Dot before walking off and trying to find where Shelby had gone but before she could find her, a hand wrapped around her arm and pulled her into a different direction. 

“C’mon Shalifoe, time to play truth or dare!” Fatin’s words slurred for a bit, the smell of Vodka filling Toni’s nose.

Toni was sitting in a circle with a handful of other people, the most notable people happened to be Shelby and then there was Toni’s ex-girlfriend Regan. Toni felt two different sets of eyes burning into her skin, she didn’t have to look up to know that it was Shelby and Regan who was looking at her. Toni shifted uncomfortably in her spot, her fingers playing with the zipper of her jacket as she looked to Martha, who was sitting across from her, right next to Shelby. Martha tilted her head and mouthed, “are you okay?” to Toni. Toni gave Martha a soft smile and nodded, not wanting to ruin Martha’s mood. 

Fatin smiled big before sitting down next to all of the people she carefully picked out to play truth and dare with her. 

“Okay, who wants to go first?” Fatin looked around and when no one spoke up, she took it upon herself to dare Leah to kiss her which everyone thought was very funny. Toni barely paid attention to the other people, not really caring about what truths they had to tell or what person they had to kiss. 

“Toni, truth or dare?” Toni looked up to see some random girl she had never met before, a smirk on her lips.

“Dare, I guess,” Toni spoke softly.

“I dare you to kiss your ex, Regan,” The girl smiled big and Toni looked over to see Shelby’s jaw tense, her hands grabbing her drink and bringing it to her lips quickly. Toni then looked to Regan who was looking right at her, an anxious feeling growing in her stomach. Regan was the first to move closer to Toni, and suddenly Regan’s hand wrapped around Toni’s neck, her lips pushing against Toni’s. Toni was half expecting those same butterfly feelings that she used to get when she would kiss Regan, but there was nothing. 

Toni pulled away and immediately looked to Shelby, who was now trying to drink whatever was in Martha’s cup, but then she left the room when Martha told her there was nothing in her cup. Toni looked at Regan who was still smiling at her, a part of her felt bad that while she was kissing Regan, all she could think about was Shelby. And like clockwork, all thought of Regan was out the window when Toni pushed herself up onto her feet and went to find Shelby. 

After searching high and low, Toni pushed open the door to Fatin’s bedroom, Shelby sitting on the floor with a bottle of vodka in her hands. Shelby rolled her eyes as soon as Toni walked through the door, closing it behind her. 

“Are you okay?” Toni hovered over Shelby, who was now clutching the bottle of Vodka to her chest with her eyes closed. Shelby didn’t respond to Toni’s question, so instead Toni sat down in front of her, reaching out to take the bottle out of Shelby’s hands.

“Don’t,” Shelby pulled the bottle closer to her chest, her hand pushing Toni away.

“Shelby, you’re obviously way too drunk,” Toni’s voice was soft, softer than Shelby had ever heard before. Shelby’s head tilted up, her eyes were red and Toni assumed she had been crying before she came to the party. 

“Please just talk to me,” Toni scooted closer to Shelby, her hand resting on Shelby’s knee, “I know you’re upset about something.” 

“Why are you so nice to me?” Shelby’s voice wavered, her hands shaking as they held onto the bottle that she was holding onto for dear life.

Toni bit down on her bottom lip, “I don’t know, honestly.”

“You should hate me,” Shelby whispered, “I know I hate me.”

Toni noticed the way Shelby was folding in on herself, her legs pulled up to her chest now as she finally put the bottle down, her hands shaking, “I used to hate you.”

“I wish you still did,” Shelby pulled her hand up to her eye, wiping away a stray tear.

“Why do you want me to hate you?” Toni breathed out, “I thought the tutoring thing was your way of trying to get me to like you.”

Toni smiled when Shelby finally laughed, “You got me there, Toni.”

They sat in silence for a couple of minutes as Shelby tried to sit up straight, but her head was spinning, from both the alcohol and the sudden emotion she was feeling.

“You know how I was being weird in the library,” Shelby sat up straight, “it wasn’t because of you.”

Toni didn’t say anything but instead let Shelby get out whatever she was trying to say, “It was the one year anniversary of my best friend dying.” 

Toni’s hand reached out for Shelbys, their fingers intertwining, Shelby taking a deep breath.

“She reminds me of you, well, kinda. Not like actually but the way I feel about y-,” Shelby closed her mouth before closing her eyes and shaking her head, her hand rubbing against her face in frustration. Shelby opened her eyes and blinked at Toni before pulling Toni by her jacket, crashing their mouths against each other. Toni’s eyes widened before shutting, her hands reaching out to pull Shelby closer. 

This wasn’t like the kiss that Toni and Regan shared earlier, it was desperate and sloppy and Toni could feel Shelby’s teeth starting to nip at her bottom lip. And for a second, Toni felt those butterflies that she was missing in her kiss with Regan. Butterflies that made her head feel dizzy and her stomach churn. Toni’s body ached for Shelby to kiss her more but as soon as Toni finally relaxed against Shelby’s lips, Shelby pushed Toni away and ran staggeringly out the door. For a while, Toni contemplated running after her but her legs felt heavy and her head was spinning and all she could think about was the way Shelby’s lips felt against her own.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for homophobic slurs in this chapter.
> 
> it's just mentioned once but i thought i'd give you a heads up.

Toni sat in Fatin’s dimly lit bedroom for what felt like hours, she sat in silence and with her eyes glued to the floor underneath her. Sometimes she could hear the occasional cheer from the partygoers downstairs, or sometimes she could hear people in the hallway right outside of Fatin’s bedroom door giggling about something. No one had burst through the doors yet, which fully surprised Toni because she had definitely seen a lot of coming-of-age films where people hook up in a bedroom at a party. Toni’s fingers dug into the carpet, her fingers picking and pulling small fibers that were already loose, her mind thinking back to everything that she just witnessed. She didn’t know why she was so upset by Shelby’s actions, it wasn’t like she even liked her? Well, no matter how many times Toni tried to convince herself that she didn’t like Shelby, it was never true. From the first day she met Shelby, there was something about her that she was just so enamored by but hating her was much easier than letting her in. 

Toni wishes she had run after Shelby, that she had told Shelby that she sees her and she knows Shelby is obviously scared. Toni wondered if Shelby was still downstairs if she was partying amongst her friends like nothing happened between her and Toni. Or, maybe she went home and prayed for her sins, Toni knew how religious Shelby is and she knew that her parents had some skeletons in their closet when it came to promoting things such as conversion therapy. Toni let herself think about what could’ve happened if Shelby didn’t run, maybe they could've just talked about what they were feeling. 

The door finally swung open and Toni’s heart skipped a beat at the idea that it might be Shelby walking through the doors with an apologetic smile, but it wasn’t. Instead, it was Fatin who immediately closed the door behind her and walked over to Toni with a soft smile, a slight stagger to her walk which Toni assumed was from the alcohol. 

“Hey,” Fatin’s voice was soft. 

“Hi,” Toni whispered, pulling her knees up to her chest and resting her head atop of them. 

“A little birdy told me that you were up here,” Fatin spoke, “and I figured I’d come and talk to you.”

Toni hadn’t had much interaction with Fatin in her life besides the occasional time they would hang out because of Leah, “Why?” 

“Because, someone told me they were worried about you,” Fatin turned slightly, her hands falling on the floor right next to Toni. 

“You can tell Leah that I’m fine,” Toni muttered, her hands rubbing against her face as she yawned. 

Fatin tilted her head in both confusion and amusement, her lips curling into a smile, “Leah? I don’t even think she knows you’re up here.” 

“Well, whoever sent you here, tell them I’m fine.”

“You’re fine?,” Fatin laughed, “Then why are you sitting in my bedroom alone? When there is a kick-ass party downstairs” 

“I don’t really like parties,” Fatin just laughed. 

“And you came, why?”

“Because.”

“You obviously had a reason and I have a feeling it might relate to why you’re sitting up here alone,” Fatin pushed herself up and extended her hand to Toni, “C’mon, let’s go downstairs short-stack.” 

“I’m not that short,” Toni huffed as she grabbed Fatin’s hand, pushing herself off the ground. 

Fatin chuckled and before she made it to her bedroom door, she turned. 

“Look, I don’t know all of the juicy details about what happened with you and my favorite little Jesus freak,” Fatin paused, noticing the way Toni’s body tensed up at the mention of Shelby, “but, I think that if you’re just patient with her then it’ll work out.” 

Before Toni could snarkily respond with “I don’t know what you’re talking about”, Fatin had already turned back around and was practically dragging Toni out of the room by her hand, leading her back downstairs and straight into where the party was still going. Toni didn’t see any sign of Shelby but she did notice the way Martha was looking at her with a concerned expression, immediately walking over to where Fatin and Toni were hovering at the end of the stairs. Fatin gave Toni a pat on her shoulder before she was off trying to find Leah and Toni stood there awkwardly as Martha was trying to figure out what to say to her. 

“Where’d ya go? We thought you got murdered or something,” Martha practically had to scream over the music that was much louder than it was before. 

“No, I just needed a break,” Toni flashed Martha a half-hearted smile and it was enough to keep Martha from asking questions she couldn’t answer. 

Toni sat on a couch by herself for the remainder of her time at the party, her hands buried into her jacket pockets and her eyes closed. To Toni’s excitement, her friends decided to call it early and wanted to go eat at IHop, which happened to be the only place in town that was open twenty-four hours, and Toni couldn’t say no to some cheap pancakes, even if they did slightly taste like plastic. The drive over was quiet, except for the occasional giggle from a drunken Martha or Leah in the back seat. Dot made sure to scold the two drunken girls before they made their way into the restaurant, telling them that if they acted crazy she would not be buying them any pancakes. 

They shoved themselves in one of the booths near the back of the restaurant and even though it was nearly midnight, there were more people in IHop than Toni expected. Most of the diners were truckers or people Toni assumed were driving through town and needed a quick bite, but there was the occasional group of teenagers like them.

“Pancakes are so good,” Leah muttered with a big dopey smile and Martha thought it was the funniest thing ever and was laughing like Leah was telling stand up comedy. Toni had to wrap her arm around Martha to make sure she didn’t fall over from laughing. 

“Jesus they are both wasted,” Dot groaned as she looked at the menu in front of her, her eyes scanning over the various different types of pancakes. Dot put the menu down, her eyes narrowing and her gaze falling onto Toni, “where were you all night?” 

“Just hanging out,” Toni smiled, her arm still tightly wrapped around Martha, who was now giggling as she played footsies with Leah under the table.

“Fatin said you were with Shelby,” Leah giggled, her eyebrows moving up and down. 

“You were with Shelby?” Dot said teasingly.

“Yeah, we were talking about math and shit,” Toni huffed out as she removed her arm from Martha, sinking down into her seat.

“That’s not what Fatin said,” Leah sat up with a confused expression, “she said Shelby left crying so either your math was really hard or you’re lying.” 

Toni glared at Leah, her hands balling up into fists under the table. She knew Leah was just drunk and parroting whatever Fatin had said to her earlier in the night but it was still making her angry and Toni didn’t feel like talking about Shelby anymore. 

“Shelby left crying?” Dot’s voice went from teasing to concerned in a matter of seconds, and Toni wasn’t sure if she was concerned for Toni or for Shelby.

Martha rested her head on Toni’s shoulder as Toni sighed, her hand resting on Toni’s knee to stop Toni’s leg from bouncing up and down. 

“I didn’t do anything if you were asking,” Toni spit out and Dot took the hint to not press the issue further. 

The waitress finally came around and took their order, which took much longer than it should because Leah and Martha were on a roll with their “jokes”, and the waitress was highly amused by the pair's antics. Toni and Dot apologized to the waitress for their friends as many times as they could but she promised them that they were fine, but Toni told Dot they should tip her more than what the pancakes cost. 

Toni’s pancakes almost made her feel better about the horrible night she had been having until Martha sat up straight in her seat and pointed at whoever was walking into the restaurant with a big smile on her face. 

“Shelby!” Martha’s voice was loud and Toni wished she could just turn the world down because suddenly _everything_ was loud. Shelby was accompanied by Andrew, her boyfriend, and his friends. Toni knew none of them were at Fatin’s party because Martha had said so multiple times on the way over to Fatin’s house, which meant Shelby must’ve immediately run to Andrew after kissing Toni. Toni closed her eyes, pinching at her wrist, trying to wake up from this nightmare. 

Martha clambered over Toni and as soon as she was out of the booth, she practically ran over to Shelby and engulfed her in a hug. 

“Oh, jeez,” Dot whispered as she saw what was unfolding, her fingers coming up to her temple with an exasperated sigh. 

“Guys, I invited Shelby to come back to my house with us,” Martha hiccuped, a drunken smile on her lips as she looked to her friends who all just looked at her with bewildered expressions, even Leah who had been laughing all night didn’t say anything. 

Toni felt the pancakes she was just eating starting to resurface, her stomach churning at Martha’s newest revelation. Toni had already convinced herself years ago that God was out to get her, but this was next level. It was clear that even Shelby didn’t know why she said yes, her fingers playing with the cross necklace that clung to her collarbones. Martha muttered something about Shelby eating with Andrew and then meeting up with them when everyone was ready to leave but Toni couldn’t pay attention to anything anyone was saying. 

Toni found her eyes wandering over to Shelby’s booth, her eyes burning holes into the lack of space between Andrew and Shelby. They had been dating for the last two years and not once has Toni ever seen them this affectionate and Toni thought that maybe Shelby was doing it on purpose. Toni didn’t understand why her skin felt hot and her throat closed up every time she heard Andrew make Shelby laugh, but she wished they would just leave.

She thought she had calmed herself down until Andrew and Shelby walked over, an annoying grin plastered on Andrew’s boring face. Andrew made small talk with Martha about how she has to take care of “his'' Shelby because she was feeling a bit sick from drinking and how she couldn’t go home with him because then his parents would have to inform Shelby’s parents that she drank so much she could barely stand straight. 

“Make sure she stays away from this one,” Andrew pointed his finger at Toni and Dot made sure to stand in front of Toni, her hand reaching behind her to grab one of Toni’s wrists. 

“What’s wrong with Toni?” Martha’s words were slurred and almost incoherent but the scowl on her face got the point across. 

Andrew shifted from one foot to the other, looking from Martha to Toni to Dot and then back to Martha, “Shelby has a past with girls like her.”

Toni almost gave herself whiplash from how quickly her head shot up to look at Andrew, her eyes narrowing and her body pressing right into Dot who was currently acting as a human shield to contain Toni’s volcanic outburst. 

“What do you mean girls like her?” Dot was the one to speak for Toni this time, her jaw clenched with anger that Dot never really felt. Dot was usually a very calm person so to see her tensed up and looking like she was five seconds from punching Andrew in the face was a sight to behold for Toni. 

“Dykes,” Andrew said with a shrug and if looks could kill, Andrew would be six feet under. Toni felt her entire body clench at the word that slipped out of Andrew’s mouth, he said it so casually and calmly and it made Toni’s skin crawl. Martha and Dot were now equally as angry as Toni, their eyes flicking between Andrew and a horrified Shelby, who never spoke up. 

Leah staggered for a second before pushing herself in front of everyone, her lips pushing together as she shoved her finger right into Andrew’s chest, “Don’t you ever say that word again and don’t you ever talk about Toni like that again, you hear me?.”

Leah was mad and she was drunk and Toni was counting to a thousand to make sure she didn’t fly off the handle and throw Andrew into one of the glass windows behind him. And even though the word stung and it was a word that was often thrown at her in this horrible town, what hurt most was the thought that Shelby probably thought the same thing about her. Even after Andrew proved how horrible of a person he is, all Toni could think about was Shelby and how Shelby thought of her. Shelby never said anything to her boyfriend and instead walked out of the building and waited by Dot’s car, her head in her hands. Leah and Martha followed after her, Leah giving Andrew one last look before heading out the door. 

“Look, I didn’t mean any offense or anythin’,” Andrew stuttered, “I just think that way of life is a sin and Shelby has had temptations before.” 

Andrew said one last thing about how the church was always there for Toni and then walked back to his friends, leaving the two girls to stand in stunned silence.

“Maybe I’m reading too much into it,” Dot laughed, “but that guy is a fucking asshole.” 

Toni laughed for the first time since her day started and even though the last few hours have felt like they came straight out of a horror movie, Toni let herself feel comfort in Dot’s presence. 

Toni was thankful that Martha’s family was visiting relatives for the weekend because there was barely enough room for the five girls to all sleep comfortably.

“I’ll get Leah into Martha’s bed,” Dot whisper-yelled as she ran to the front door to unlock it. 

Leah and Martha followed after Dot, the occasional laughing fit coming out of one of their mouths which would always make the other one laugh. Somehow, Toni was left with Shelby who had climbed out of the car and made her way over to the grass in their front yard. She was lying on the grass with her knees pulled up to her chest and if it was any other scenario, Toni would think this is the funniest thing she had ever seen. 

“C’mon,” Toni reached her hand out to Shelby but instead of taking it, she just turned with a groan. 

“‘Sleeping out here,” Shelby muttered.

“Jesus Shelby, get up,” Toni sighed and she was at the end of her rope. 

Shelby didn’t budge until Toni came up with a sentence that would get anyone to move, “y’know a spider might crawl into your mouth or something.”

The single mention of a spider had Shelby practically running inside with an annoyed look on her face but Toni was satisfied with herself because at least everyone was safe and sound in the house. Toni had already offered her bed to Dot, so all that was left for Shelby was to either try to crawl in bed with Martha or sleep on the couch. And drunk Martha was not someone you wanted to cuddle with because Toni had experienced it many times, and it usually resulted in Toni flying off the bed after Martha kicks her off in her sleep. Toni grabbed the spare blankets that sat in the hall closet, the blankets that Martha used to get out for Toni before she moved in with them permanently.

“Thanks,” Shelby’s voice softened and her eyes lit with appreciation. 

Shelby hovered close to Toni for a couple of minutes before she finally sat on the couch, her hands reaching up to tug at her necklace. A silence fell between them and Toni prayed for Dot to walk into the living room and end Toni’s misery but she never did and she could hear Leah and Martha giving Dot trouble in the other rooms but it eventually died down. Shelby was sitting so close to Toni that Toni could hear Shelby’s breathing and it was driving Toni up the wall so she catapulted herself off the couch. 

“Are you alright?”

“Am I alright?” Toni turned to Shelby, a slight bitterness in her voice, “of course I’m not alright Shelby, why the fuck did you kiss me?”

“I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about,” Shelby was now standing too and Toni hated it but Shelby was taller than her so Shelby easily towered over her in anger. 

“You don’t get to pretend that it didn’t fucking happen!” Toni was being loud but she didn’t care. 

“Okay, Toni, fine!” Shelby threw her hands up in the air, “you want me to say that I kissed you, then fine, I kissed you!” 

“You suddenly show up in my life, then you kiss me and now you’re mad at me?” Toni spits out.

“I’m not mad at you, Toni!” Shelby was starting to cry and it was starting to make Toni feel bad, “I’m mad at myself, don’t you get that?” 

“No, Shelby, actually I don’t get that because I can’t read your mind!” 

“You wouldn’t understand,” Shelby was now fully crying and Toni desperately just wanted to pull her into a hug and make it all go away but every time she stepped an inch closer to the blonde girl, she would instantly step back. 

“Then tell me and let me understand,” Toni pleaded and for the first time since meeting Toni a couple of years ago, Shelby could see a softness to Toni that she had never seen before. 

“I can’t, Toni,” Shelby sniffled and wiped away the tears that were streaming down her face with the back of her hand, “I wish I could but I can’t.”

“Why did you go into Fatin’s bedroom at the party?” Toni watched as Shelby’s hands practically flew to the necklace on her neck, her fingers playing with it aimlessly, “It’s so confusing because one second you’re being all homophobic and running from two girls kissing and then you’re the one kissing a girl!”

Shelby tilted her head and parted her lips, almost in amusement as Toni rambled about Shelby being a conundrum, which if they weren’t arguing Shelby would’ve laughed at Toni’s use of the word conundrum. 

Shelby can feel the word vomit starting to leave her mouth, “Are you dumb?” 

“Excuse me?”

“You think I went to Fatin’s room because I’m homophobic?” 

Toni looked at Shelby dumbfounded, her arms falling to her side and her eyes scanning Shelby for any visual clue to help her understand what the hell Shelby was saying. 

“Do I really have to spell it out for you?” Shelby almost laughed. 

“What?” Toni swore she had never been so confused in her life.

“I like you, you idiot!” Shelby threw her hands in the air and started pacing back and forth in front of Toni, “I’ve liked you since the day I met you! I never really knew why at first but then I started hanging out with Martha and she would tell me all of these great things about you and then I asked to be your tutor and even though you’re an ass, I think about you every day! ” 

All of a sudden, it was like a light bulb went off in Toni’s head and she was starting to do mental gymnastics to connect the dots.

“Then why did you run away?” Toni spoke softly.

“Because I like you so fucking much! So much, Toni,” Shelby spoke frantically, barely able to catch her breath, “And you scare me because I’ve never met anyone like you before and I know you would never feel the same way about me.”

Before Toni could say anything, Shelby was already speaking again, “And I want to be with you so bad, but I can’t, it’s just not right.”

“It’s not right?” Toni sputtered, her eyes wide with confusion, “Shelby I know you’re religious but Jesus Christ, you’re going to tear yourself apart.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Shelby was now standing directly in front of Toni, her eyes watering again, “You don’t understand how scared I am, Toni.”

“Then let me help you.”

Shelby’s eyes flickered from Toni’s eyes to her lips and for a brief second she thought about saying fuck it and pulling her flush against her own body, but she knew that would make it worse.

“You can’t, Toni.” Shelby’s throat felt dry and she just wanted to fall into Toni’s arms but she couldn’t and it was hurting her more than she would like to admit, “I really wish you could.”

“I’m not giving up on you Shelby.”

“I know, you’re stubborn like that, it’s one of the reasons I like you so much.” 

Toni reached out hesitantly before her resting her hand on Shelby’s cheek, her thumb brushing against her bare fare.

“Shelby,” Toni sighed, “I’ve always liked you too, y’know. You’re like the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen and even though you’re super annoying, for some reason I like you.” 

“I wish you wouldn’t have said that,” Shelby sniffled, her face relaxing into Toni’s palm.

“Why?” 

“Because, it’s gonna make all of this hurt even more.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as lexa would say.. love is weakness. no im just kidding. 
> 
> maybe one day ill give ao3 my twitter (which i am apart of the wilds twitter btw) but today is not that day. 
> 
> this ch is slightly a mess and the timeline is going crazy but it'll all make sense in the end

**Author's Note:**

> this will probably be the shortest chapter ever and the rest will be annoyingly long bc im in a groove rn


End file.
